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Dance macabre

"Watching me dance is like watching an elephant."

So wrote Princess Diana to her former nanny Mary Clarke, who is - of course - auctioning the letter off. Exactly why anybody else would want it, I simply don't know. To prove that Diana could write?

Amy's stuck for a song

Amy Winehouse's friends reportedly fear she will never release another album. She's been trying for six months and hasn't produced a finished song. Well, she's been busy doing other stuff ...

Cheryl Cole = evil?

"For us, Playboy isn't Pamela Anderson. It doesn't matter how big your boobs are - it's about what's inside the woman."

So said Alex Aikiu, French Playboy's fashion director, when asked about the decision to feature the popular British model in its pages. Cole, 20, is also the face of family retailers Marks and Spencer, prompting Stephen Green, the national director of an organisation called Christian Voice, to say:

"Playboy is not just indecent, it is obscene. Marks and Spencer had a moral judgement to make, and by standing by Lily Cole it is condoning an evil."

I have a feeling Mr Green may be in every British journalist's contact book cross-referenced under W for wowser and R for rent-a-quote.

Kyle deal throne out

My heart goes out to Kyle Sandilands and his bride-to-be Tamara Jaber. New Idea has reportedly pulled the plug on a $200,000 deal to cover their nuptials. It's suggested that the lack of a star-studded guest list is the reason - which is odd, given that Sandilands promotes himself as a friend of the famous. I'd suggest it's because New Idea knows that Sandilands - who will reportedly enter the ceremony on a throne (pass the vomit bag, please) - is a polarising figure. In other words, any edition featuring Kyle on the cover might tank.

Kate's weird honour

"It’s totally weird and yet it’s an honor at the same time. At first you think it's really cool, and then you’re like, what is this, that’s so weird ... it’s really weird."

That's Kate Hudson talking about being named in People magazine's 25 Most Beautiful List. Note that it was not the Most Erudite list ...

Can Katie Holmes act?

That question will be answered when the reviews are in on Mrs Tom Cruise's Broadway debut in Arthus Miller's All My Sons. The opening night festivities were somewhat hijacked by masked protestors, one of whom shouted:

“We are not boycotting Katie, we are not boycotting the play, we are protesting Scientology. It is evil ... It follows you home at night.”

Others in the crowd wee wearing "Free Katie" T-shirts.

The family that plays together ...

As messed-up celebrity families go, it seems the current media darlings, the Spears clan, have nothing on the O'Neals. Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond has just been arrested on narcotics charges. Just three months ago, Ryan's briefly famous daughter Tatum was busted for crack possession. Last year, Ryan and Redmond were allegedly caught up in some gun play that also involved Redmond's half-brother Griffin. I think I can see a "reality" TV series in all this.

Nic does it herself

Following the recently widely repeated revelation that she is most overpaid actor in Hollywood, Nicole Kidman is reportedly to star in an action-adventure film called Eighth Wonder that she will produce herself. Surely somebody else will give her a job ...

Fancy a bit of Laurie?

British actor Hugh Laurie has reportedly signed a deal worth 5 million pounds (more than A$10 million) a year to star in the drama House for the next four years. Laurie, who used to star alongside Stephen Fry in the sketch show A Bit of Fry and Laurie, will earn 220,000 pounds for each episode of the show. Good luck to him, but isn't that just crazy money? Especially when shows like House are apparently turning us all into hypochondriacs.

Wrong man for the Jobs

Kanye West - a.k.a. Mr Angry - has been pictured in Hawaii with his his Macbook computer. Given West's outburst at the LA airport, where he allegedly assaulted a camerman, surely this is the kind of publicity supercool Apple computer dude Steve Jobs and his company could do without.

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